“Although conflict is likely to be associated with negative feelings and, under some circumstances, to be perceived as a potential threat, conflict may also provide an opportunity for enhancing intimacy and for improving communication. First, disagreements allow partners to express personal thoughts and feelings, which may lead to greater feelings of intimacy…Second, disagreements may give partners a chance to learn and establish constructive strategies for adjusting to each other’s needs…”

The authors of this paper are discussing differences in attachment styles in adult relationships. If people are able to develop secure attachments, conflict doesn’t have to threaten a relationship—in fact, it can strengthen the bond by allowing problems to be negotiated and resolved. We feel safe and cared for when we are able to work our differences through with our partner. If we are afraid of conflict, avoiding it or overreacting to it will reduce the intimacy that we are able to achieve.

If you would like to read more about this, please see:

“Adult Attachment” Edited by W. Rholes and J. Simpson (This particular article is entitled “Interpersonal Aspects of Attachment” by P. Pietromonaco, D. Greenwood, and L. Feldman Barrett.)